this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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