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Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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