I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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