did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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