Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
