And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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