Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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