I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
