you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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