just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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