I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
