if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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