My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
