the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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