just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
