Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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