he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
