I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
