Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
