So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
