Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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