How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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