I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
