piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i don't like sucking hair
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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