if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
