Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
