things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
