I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
