I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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