Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
