Just mADE A PArabola og urine
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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