Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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