At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All the doctor said was why
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
