Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
