I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
