My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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