Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
