I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
