you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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