no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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