if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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