He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
