i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
