Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
