Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
