Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
