My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
