Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
