Porn is love you can see.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
