That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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