you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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