He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
