Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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