Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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