And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Green mimosas i think yes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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