so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
