I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
