My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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