Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
