Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
